A hairy situation

About the time we started our plan for adoption I also coincidentally started growing out my hair. At first it was for practical reasons…I wanted to be able to pull it back into a pony tail for our overseas trip to Tanzania. Now the increasing length seems almost symbolic of our waiting time. I decided to embrace the symbolism rather than becoming embittered by it.

These growing pains are a necessary part of the journey and quite evident to those who know me well. This process of waiting has changed me. So it seems fitting that I look different on the outside because the inside is slowly being transformed day by day. The growth is hard, but so good. I trust this time will allow Jeremy and me to be stretched and molded into the kind of parents our kids will need. Because of this I have decided that from now until the time we bring home our firstborn I will continue to let it grow. Hoping it will happen before I start looking like Rapunzel!

Worth every minute

Today marks the one year point since our paperwork was submitted to Ethiopia. On that day we never would have guessed that it would take this long (at that point there was an estimated 4-6 month wait). We are trying to be cautious in our response when people ask us about how the process is going. Adoption is so dear to our hearts that we would not want any comments coming from our impatience or emotions to cause someone else not to adopt. There are already so many negative ideas floating around about the cost, the wait times and the difficulty of adoption. It is hard to know what to say. So we smile and respond, “We are just waiting.” Some days it feels like we are pretending, like this waiting will never come to an end. We wish we had a “due date” like many of our friends who have gotten pregnant and had babies since our adoption process began. Often it feels like our entire life in on hold. It is hard to make any kind of plans for the future when there is an empty space in our family and we don’t know when it will be filled. And then there are times when I (Megan) cry for no apparent reason at a commercial, song on the radio or picture of a child, not realizing I had been holding back tears all day long. It those moments God gently reminds us that the ache we are feeling is a necessary part of this process. He is making room in our hearts for the child that one day we will get to hold in our arms.

The reality is adoption is a battle for the lives and hearts of children. It is standing up and telling them they are worth it, every minute, every penny and every emotion. This is the first time either one of us have really had to wait a significant amount of time for anything we wanted. It is hard. It is humbling. And we are confident it will be worth every minute. We are just waiting…and that it okay.

Nursery (phase one)

The concept for our nursery started from a purchase we made on our last overseas trip. This baby quilt was made by the beautiful hands of the hardworking women of Tanzania. We loved the patterns and colors and decided to use it as a centerpiece for the room.

We painted the room pale yellow and used various fabrics in navy blue and burnt orange.

My mom generously offered to make the bedding and curtains. They turned out just as we had hoped!

We saw the tree decal on my sister's favorite web site: Etsy.com...."the world's most vibrant handmade marketplace."

The dresser was purchased from Craigslist and lovingly sanded and painted by Jeremy.

The shelf is already looking great thanks to many of our friends and family who have given us books and toys for our future child.

So excited to fill this room with a little bundle of joy!

10 months

Who would have thought the time could go by so fast yet seem like it has been forever since we sent our documents to Ethiopia. We have been doing all we can to be patient and stay busy with work, church, family and friends but our minds continue to go back to our child we have yet to meet. While thinking about our future child, questions about the biological parents also come to mind. Are the mom and dad still together? Do they have other children? How old are they? What is their living situation? And what about the mother….Is she pregnant now? Does she have enough food to eat? Will she make it though childbirth? Does she know she won’t raise her child? It brings such a whirlwind of emotions. The reality of the situation hits hard. Although, this month, we have been waiting 10 months to be matched with our child, our pain in waiting is nothing in comparison to the other parents in this story. Generally, I think of adoption as beautiful, but it is also more than that. It is complicated. It begins with tragedy. How I mourn for the family of our future child because I know their loss is our gain. Terrible sorrow will take place in their lives. That is not beautiful. We pray from our child’s family often, for the health of the mother, for their living situation and other children in the family. Most of all we pray that the Lord has provided them an opportunity to hear about His Son, and they have responded with open hearts.

Adoption saves lives and gives opportunities, but it also involves great loss. For us – the loss of the traditional family, loss of the experiences of pregnancy and labor for our first child. Even more for our child – loss of family, loss of culture and loss of identity. International adoption requires more than just love. We must be committed to the best interest of our child as their educator, counselor and advocate. To the best of our ability we want to learn about Ethiopia. We would like to know about his or her family and the customs they will be born into. It is our desire to incorporate as much of this knowledge as possible in the raising of our children. We look forward to the day when we will bring him or her back to their birthplace.

So we continue our study of the land of our firstborn. We are eager in learning all about the people, the food and the traditions before we even step one foot onto the soil of Ethiopia. Did you know in Ethiopia when children lose a baby tooth, they don't put it under their pillow for the tooth fairy? Instead, children throw their baby tooth on the roof of their house and sing a song to a special bird. The bird then flies to pick it up and in return will give the child a brand new shining tooth. Check out the song!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8-Y1kSiqWw&feature=youtu.be

Actively waiting

This whole process started about a year ago when we attended a local seminar about adoption. We have told many people that we already knew at this point we would adopt, but never thought it would be this soon. Twelve months have passed since then and we have yet to receive our referral (see post from Nov. 14th 2010 for our definition of referral since it is very different than what they hand out for misbehavior in school!). During this waiting period we have taken time to pray for patience and God has blessed us with this ability beyond our own human capabilities. There have been times that we have wanted the process to move faster but we know it is in God’s control. A friend recently told Megan about a term they have been using in their lives: actively waiting. We have started to use that same term to describe the current stage of our lives. Yes, we are waiting for our child to enter our lives but it doesn’t mean that everything else is at a standstill. We are working at our jobs, doing ministry in the church, hanging out with family and making time for fun too....we recently went to prom (as chaperones of course!) During this waiting phase we have also painted the baby’s room, started refinishing a dresser and read a several books on adoption. We have been able to stay busy and yet still prepare just like any other expectant parents.

Thank you, Father, for granting us patience during this whole adoption process. Thank you for showing us that because we have this time of waiting we are already growing in our future role as parents. We know that you have the perfect child for us and we know that if waiting is what we have to do then we will do so while actively pursing you.

Say a prayer

Although this is probably not a breaking story that will be aired on tonight’s world news - it is very close to our hearts and we ask for your prayers. Ethiopia’s Ministry of Women, Children, and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) has stated a desire to reduce the number of recommendation letters they write each day for families in the court process. Although some of the details still remain unclear, as of March 10, 2011 the MOWCYA will reduce the number of adoption cases it processes down to five per day. Our hearts desire is what is best for the children of Ethiopia and we believe that every child deserves a family. What we know for sure is that we have been called to build our family through adoption. We know that God is bigger. We also know that His plan may not look like our plan. All we can do is pray, trust and rest in Him who is in control of everything.

For more information:

http://adoption.state.gov/news/ethiopia_alert.html
http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/

Now what?

Nov 25, 2010 2:26 PMDeliveredKIRKOS SUB-CITY, ADDIS ABABA ET - while most of us were enjoying turkey on Thanksgiving day...our dossier was delivered to Ethiopia. Now that is something to be THANKFUL for!

Just realized how long it has been since we have posted an adoption update…

Recently we have been getting many questions from friends and family about the current status of our adoption. There is not much news to tell. We are in the waiting phase of the adoption process. Unbelievably we are not feeling anxious (at least not yet!). Rather, we are using this time to prepare ourselves for a huge life change – our family of two becoming a family of three. It is a thought that is both exciting and scary. We are reading books on the ins and outs of adoption. There is still so much to learn! We expect to have more information and a referral sometime in the early months of summer.

In the little free time that we have left we are beginning to plan our baby nursery. This is a step that has caused the adoption to feel more “real”. We are preparing a room for our future son or daughter! So far we have been given a hand-me-down crib from our brother and sister-in-law. We purchased a dresser this week from Craigslist that we plan on giving a facelift with paint and new hardware….pictures to come in our next blog.

Once again, thanks for your kind words, thoughtful prayers and many other expressions of support.